WORDPRESS!

Listening to: Our Time Now- Plain White T's
Random Thought of the Day: BOGAN BISCUITS!

Hi friends
i moved to wordpress (:
please visit me at my new home 

Purge

Listening to: Just Like I Remember - Bleed the Dream
Random Thought of the Day: I finally realize why I am, much of the time, what people would call a 'people pleaser'..

I've been on a purging spree recently.
It started with the 'cleanse' (so far, not too hard to keep.. I nixed the 'no gluten' part, otherwise i'd be eating like.. nothing. but yeah.. NO THANKS TO ALL THOSE PEOPLE who keep waving stuff I can't eat in my face! >[ you know who you are.. :( )
Just now, I spent about 1.5 hours cleaning up my music library... so far i've deleted about 5 gigs of music... but I've still got lots to go!
I plan on doing the same with my clothes at some point. I realized... I  buy all this stuff that I either NEVER wear, or that I don maybe once or twice before tossing it into the back of my closet (i.e. the section of clothing that never sees the light of day). I'm probably going to donate it or something, just to rid myself of the clutter.
I did the same with my makeup a month or so ago, but that was more to make sure that I'm not using anything that's expired. However, I plan on kinda inventorying my stuff so I don't keep buying the same things.
Funnily enough, this is exactly what my mom keeps telling me, all the time: " you keep buying minutely different versions of the same thing! Why don't you check what you have before you buy more things?"
she is exactly right.

I've been finding out a lot in the last couple years that my parents are very very frequently right.
I guess it's true that you never see the wisdom in a parent's words until you're old enough to understand the rationale.

but anyways. now that i've wasted sufficient time cleaning, its time to get started on some microeconomics!

also, i just realized that i can't make private posts on blogger. thinking about migrating to wordpress..

Detox

Listening to: Beautiful Things (Gabriel and Dresden Remix) - Andain
Random Thought of the Day: Sleepy, not in Seattle :[

Starting tomorrow, I'm going to do something pretty random:
I am gonna go on a cleanse!
I think its just another way for me to try and structure my life, and teach myself to have more discipline.
Cleaning feels good.... I think despite the fact that I have a hard time organizing my thoughts, its calming to know that ordering things is so simple and mindless. I finally know what people mean when they say cleaning is therapeutic.. haha.

no, i will not clean for you when i get stressed =_=;

so yes. starting tomorrow:
no meat, dairy, whatever veganism entails
super limited amounts of coffee and sugar and alcohol
for the most part, no white carbs. whole grain and brown rice and whatnot is good
lots of fruits and veggies

this means: no froyo, no ice cream, limited amounts of boba, but without the milk tea (not that i ever get that anyways.. black tea ftw!), no pastries, and no morning coffee D:
i think the last one will be the hardest lol

its only 3 weeks.. i hope i last!

i think i kinda fucked my body up last quarter
here's to recovery!

also, gonna try to keep my room clean. =d
i think this will be harder than eating clean..

good music to study to:

I trekked almost 1.5 miles today to the Borders in Westwood to study. I can never study in my room. Here, now, I am seated in the middle of Seattle's Best Coffee, trying to wean my taste buds off sugar by drinking iced coffee with only soymilk (it's really bitter). Earbuds plugged into my charging netbook (hence, instead of at a table overlooking the busy street I'm forced to sit by a table behind a column - the only table with access to an outlet) my brain's gears tick in time to trance.

Beautiful Things (Gabriel & Dresden's Unplugged Mix) - I could listen to this song forever
Find Yourself ( John O'Callaghan ft Sarah Howells) - the first song that really got me into trance
Love All The Pain Away - Ronski Speed
Man on the Run (Dash Berlin with Cerf, Mitiska & Jaren) - the vocals for this song are amazing

at 12:23pm, I have officially given up on bitter coffee.
at 1:27pm, I try streaming Last.fm on my phone, because the wi-fi at Borders snags a lot
at 1:28pm, I realize my phone's music-playing capabilities are no match for even the laggiest of wi-fi.
I've been listening to Tiesto for the last hour (:

Secretly I'm jealous of those girls who listen to breathy french music and wear camel colored trench coats with black shorts and sky-high ankle boots. They rock breezy layered frayed oversized shirts and fifteen rings on one hand. Pictures of them are usually expertly processed to look vintage, with soft glowing light and slightly desaturated hues. Sometimes I wonder- how do they find so much time to brush grass in meadows and so much money to spend on Prada and Gucci and Proenza Schouler and American Rag and RVCA and Givenchy and I could go on and on and on...
I'm turning green, and it's definitely not from the over-consumption of not-quite-Starbucks. 

I write like...

I found this interesting tool online that takes a sample of your writing and tells you who you write like. So, I took a couple of my old blogs and ran them through the tool. Then i lol'd.

This post got:

I write like
Dan Brown

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

 

This post and this post got:

I write like
Cory Doctorow

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

and no, i have no idea who that is. but apparently, he's a canadian blogger (joy!), journalist, and science fiction writer who is a regular columnist for Popular Science and MAKE magazine. He also won a bunch of awards.

lolol nicee

 

this post got:

I write like
David Foster Wallace

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

apparently this guy was depressed and committed suicide. He also published infinite jest, which Time named as one of the top 100 English novels since 1923.

 

This post got:

I write like
William Shakespeare

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

LOL

 

and then my friend and i typed this in for fun:

"what's crackin a lackin yo I aint seen you in a quick minute. tell ya mom i holla'ed at her. payce. aint no thang but a chicken wang (wing?) out here in the EAST SIDEEEEEE. word to the muthaa fuckaaaa  "

which got...

I write like
Mark Twain

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

SHOE LUST

I had some epic moments of shoe lust at the end of last quarter, but they got pushed to the back of my mind what with finals and stuff... but today, I was at hip hop workshops, and damn, the choreographer had some SICKKKK ass kicks. So yah. my NEEEEED for more shoes is back D:

Yay pictures:

who knew DC made kicks?? but HOT DAMN.

Creative Recreation, of course. UGH too bad they're men's only, and wayyy not my size ;___;

Creative ripoffs by puma, yes. But sexy? yessssssss. and half the price? EVEN BETTERRRR

lol i didnt even know ecko made shoes o.o.. but these are pretty nice. but RED OR BLACKK!!! also.. do they look kinda fat to anyone else?

okay i definitely dont know which iwant.. but one thing is certain

...

my bank account is gonna hurt after today... =X

Listography

I realized: I really like making lists. Despite the general disorderliness of my general behavior (i.e. my room (or just chores in general), my forgetfulness) I like being well organized. I like scheduling my studying (and, occasionally, deviating completely from said schedules) and planning out things that need to be done. It's just that I seem to never have enough time to finish everything on my list.

But anyways, I realized that I don't really watch movies / TV-Shows that often. I've even stopped reading! D: So I figure I need to make lists of movies i want to see, shows I want to watch, and books I want to read... maybe when I have some spare time (eventually), I can look back on this list and know exactly what I should tackle first? also, if anything on my list is something YOU, yes, YOU either haven't seen, or would like to rewatch, LET  ME KNOW! I love movie/TV Show marathons!

Movies

American History X
Star Wars ( 4-6 )
Indiana Jones (i've never watched any of them, ever!)
Garden State
Titanic
Maltese Falcon
American Beauty

Books italicized = own a copy of but have not read... i.e. MUST READ ASAP D:

Atlas Shrugged
Catch-22
Slaughterhouse-Five
Eldest / Brisingr
Lolita
Battlefield Earth
Lord Of The Rings (i tried this once already, but it's wayyy dense. Maybe I'll attempt this again sometime in the future =d ) 
Heart of Darkness
Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (I've read the namesake, but I want to read the rest of the series!)
A Clockwork Orange
Farenheit 451
The Little Prince
Crime and Punishment
A Wrinkle In Time
Grapes of Wrath
Alice in Wonderland
One Hundred Years of Solitude
A Tale of Two Cities
A Thousand Splendid Suns
Life of Pi (actually, I'm like.. 5/6 done with this... maybe i'll just borrow it sometime and kill it =d )
Lovely Bones (I started this too.. but it was so long ago I forgot :[ I need to reread the part I did read D: ]
Middlesex (ack I think i'm on pg 40 of this.. the beginning is really slow... another one of the ones i need to reread from the beginning.. damn it ;___; )

i think i could probably keep on listing forever, but I'll stop now..

TV Showsthis is probably the list of shows I wish I could keep up with, but know I never will be able to ;___; 
in other words, this is the list of popular references I wish I understood..

Friends
Gossip Girl (i'm.. uh.. 6 episodes into season 1!)
Pretty Little Liars (I might start this soon!)
Futurama (I think ive watched over a season of this.. I watched an entire season on the way to vegas once =d )
The Office
House
Dollhouse (sounds so cool! )

Animes/Dramasyes, this is a separate category from TV shows.

Full House
1000 Litres of Tears
Iris
Nobuta Wo Produce (sorry Stina! Im still only like.. 5 episodes in D: )
Full Metal Alchemist: Brotherhood
Pandora Hearts

hm.. that list was surprisingly short..

Mangasyet another list of stuff I wish I had to keep up with..

Skip Beat (I'm like... 150 chapters into this manga, and then I forgot about it completely for a month! D: )
Nana (I read like.. 200 chapters of this before I stopped.. I feel like if i ever started again, I'd have to reread, just like I reread ALL of naruto..)
Naruto (i think I still remember enough of this to catch up... if i ever have the time. it's getting interesting again! )
Wall Flower

yup. now if you ever feel the want to buy me something ( ;D ) get me something from the above list LOL :D

I HAVENT BLOGGED IN SOOO LONGGG!!!

Listening to: Stab My Back - AAR Random Thought of the Day: I've been thinking a lot recently @.@ confuzzledness

Continuing the trend of blogging right before midterms, I have a midterm this thursday, and as you can see, i'm blogging, not studying... Although, I'm currently at work, so I suppose I can cut myself some slack.

I'm surprised.. I've been relatively on top of my shit so far this summer. I did every single problem my stats professor assigned (and didnt assign =O ), and I've been, for the most part, consistently reading for CS180. Hopefully I'll be able to continue this trend through the year :] Not to mention, I've still been able to go out almost every night (mostly to Anh's place =d ) and hang out with my friends. yayyyy :D

So... since I haven't blogged in a while, here's a picture anthology of my summer so far! [not very complete :[ I'm, sadly, very inconsistent with the camphone pictures, and I hardly take my SLR out anymore since it's so bulky. I want to take more pictures! D:



in order:
1. Making tapioca for boba! with T. and Y.
2. Shrimp fried rice; for J. A. and S.
3. Break dancers; Santa Monica with S.
4. Alcoholic Rabbits; Costco with Chris
5. Punks; Warped Tour with A., B., and T.
6. Pink's with R.
7. KBBQ; O Dae San with A, J, S. S.
8. Popped Tire; Arcadia with E. S. S. J. A., photo courtesy of J.
9. Soulful Souffle; Arcadia with E. S. S. J. A., photo courtesy of J
10. Saint Motel concert; Hammer Museum with T. and S.
11. Perfect cheesecake; Baked with E. for V. cuuuute :D
12.Babyyyy! <3


Yup! Eventful summer so far! :D And this isn't even the half of it. I'm loving that despite the ridiculous pile of work I have all the time... I still have time to do amazing stuff like this. Yay summer <3

Still looking forward to:
1. A. finally bringing his car
2. Inception on opening night!
3. Marathoning starwars
4. FFXIII + Boba
5. DANCE WORKSHOPS GALOREEEE

yay long post to make up for lack of posting.

camera whore

since a replacement charger for my dslr finally shipped, and I now have a 5 megapixel camera phone I figure I should put these lenses to use. from now on I will be taking pictures if everything I buy and eat, as well as one random picture for my project 365. if you're interested, they're on my tumblr:

r0mant1k.tumblr.com

let's see how long I can keep this up!

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entry#100: TL;DR

Listening to: Mystery - B2ST
Random Thought of the Day: things i dont understand...


I feel like for my 100th post, I should probably write something meaningful. The following entry is probably just going to be an insanely long essay full of stream-of-conscious blathering. I guess, in a way, it'll just be me unloading things that have been on my mind recently, because I feel like my brain has been really crowded as of late.

Life
Recently, a lot of my friends have been going through minor quarter-life crises about what they want to do with their lives. I don't know if it's because they're so worried that I've begun to reconsider, as well, or because it's a concern that I've been suppressing in the back of my own mind. When people ask me what I want to do with my life, a year ago I would have confidently answered, " I want to become a pediatrician," last month I would have remarked with just as much certainty, " I want to work at a startup, and then go back to school and get a MBA." Now, though, I'm torn again- a week ago, I was half-heartedly joking that perhaps I should switch back into Life Sciences, because I seemed to be so much better at it. Is it because I'm worried that my grades won't be good enough for any [particularly, NYU's Stern ] business schools to admit me? Are my various accomplishments indicative of my abilities to do well as an entrepreneur? I have no clue, and it scares me. I'm the type of person who only likes things that I'm good at, and my present major is, to say the least, difficult. A more accurate way to represent how I feel about computer science is that it is a love-hate relationship, filled with "why the hell did I choose this" and " oh my god kill me now" moments. But as much as I despair that CS might be something I really have no aptitude for, it is something I desperately wish to excel at. I feel that the topic suits me - I love technology and learning about how technology works, I love puzzle-solving and seeing pieces of code translate into an almost-tangible change in the programs I write.

On the other hand, I lust after the courage to stray from a well-beaten path. It's kind of funny, and insanely hypocritical, that when others ask for my opinion on whether they should search for a 'conventional' job that they may not like as opposed to following their dreams, I always tell them to follow their dreams. Perhaps that's my way of living vicariously through others - I myself do not have the perseverance necessary to pursue what I really love, so I encourage others who are more dedicated than I, to do so. It seems selfish, pushing others to take the leap of faith when I'm too scared to even look over the cliff, but I wholeheartedly believe in the ability of my friends to achieve their dreams. I, however, wasted half my life chasing pipe dreams and living among the clouds.  Maybe that's why I should probably stay away from half-assed truths and stick to the things I know will pull me through life.

I guess for now, I can only stay steadfast to the path I've chosen. In two years, I will be graduating and joining the working force; it is too late for me to waver over minor losses of faith in my ability to do well at CS. I like to think that if I study hard enough, I can accomplish anything I set my mind to... so the first course of action, I suppose, will be to study hard. My parents once told me that the curse of America is that there are too many choices. If you give a person no options, he will eventually grow to like (or at least, be accustomed to) the path picked for him. Maybe, that's what I need to believe in: a steady career that puts food on the table first, loving my job comes later.

People always express their astonishment at the number of things I'm involved in. Shoot, sometimes, I'm astonished too, and ask myself, "how the hell did I wind up in this position?" The answer is probably either, I'm not good at saying No, or I'm too ambitious for my own good. I realize what I'm getting myself into probably won't be pretty, but when faced with the prospects of having to cut certain extracurriculars out of my life, I'm at a loss. I couldn't possibly imagine how I'd live without dancing; at the same time, I want to be involved in UPE and TBP because they're the extracurriculars that will help me the most in my future career. I can't possibly stop working, because I need the money, but how many jobs do I need - two, three, four - before i'm satisfied? I feel like, at some point, the sheer volume of the things I need to do might just overwhelm me, but as of right now, I'm happy being busy. Until that time, I'm going to try my best to balance as much as I can.

Love
I have nothing to say on this matter.
Well I do, but I'm just confused for now.
and i'm kind of pissed at myself. But that's another story.

In Between
 I just read through the last 99 entries of my blog. It took an hour. My life for the past year, in one hour. I guess what I've summed it all up to be is: I used to be happy, and then I was hella-fucking-emo, and then now I'm moodswingy. I suppose its because I still haven't found what I'm looking for. Over the last 99 jumbled, rambling, 10 word to essay-long entries, I've become darker, more cynical, more lost. As much as I want to say that I don't like it, I've said that before. But  I think I'm slowly changing for the better. Or, I hope.

I hope that in the next 100 posts, i will overall become a better person, like the person in my absolute favorite post of the last 99.

Why is the editor on blogger.com when the doman is user.blogspot.com?

Listening to: My TA drone on about encryption and threat protection
Random Thought of the Day: mmmm popcorn...

I feel like lately, I don't have much to say. School is almost over, and with that comes the end of another chapter of my life. Time marches relentlessly on, endless days pass where I am awake, asleep, unconscious, and then awake again, and events are disjointed in my mind in some grotesque Gaussian blur. I've lost sense of continuance, that four comes after two and between three and five. Months seem like minutes, minutes seem like hours, days fly by like seconds, and all of a sudden I realize that a week has passed, and I'm waking up on a Sunday morning, not a Friday afternoon.

Something must be wrong with me, or is this a byproduct of every hasty college student's life? The buzzing in my brain plays like a deaf man's orchestra, muting all lucid thoughts from traipsing through my conscious. I'm sapped of my creativity. I stare blankly at the ghost of an article, almost as blankly as I stare at math, and despair that inspiration fails to visit me yet again. The pen, held so resolutely in an uplifted hand, is replaced reluctantly, and the click clicking of the mouse resumes. If I distract myself, perhaps a lurking shred of insight will float into my brain?

It's too late/early; I'm not thinking straight.

summer plans
warped tour + road trip with TJ
anime expo with Steven
FILM FESTS with lots of different people - no procrastination, i WILL finally watch star wars [among craploads of other movies]
san diego for kait's partayyy?
learn more japanese / learn some korean!

excited to finally have some [ish] free time!

:]

Listening to: Random music being played at kerckhoff
Random Thought of the Day: just ordered a red-eye for the first time at Kerckhoff. omnomnom caffeine!

I keep thinking that it's been ages since I last posted, but in reality it's only been 10 days... Its been a crazy hectic week, what with practice, projects, and all sorts of requirements for upcoming inductions. In fact, in about 20 minutes, I'll be heading off to Royce to complete the "Attend one professional event" requirement for Tau Beta Pi. But despite being so mind-bogglingly busy, I think I enjoy the look of an agenda page packed with scrawls of to-dos and events. It gives me a sense of purpose. Although it's probably not the best way to find a 'calling,' so far I've felt like my year was pretty fulfilling, as far as extracurriculars go. Academics, not so much... but I'll not get into that.

Last night, I played speed uno with a bunch of my friends. It was pretty spontaneous, since I was supposed to be working on a CS project, but since I've never really hung out socially with this group of friends before, I went along just for the ride. Even though everyone was kind of coupled off and I was the seventh wheel (lollll) it was still uber fun! I'm once again feeling that sense of belonging and satisfaction that I haven't felt since... well... a while... at least, in such a large group. Having been a floater most of my life, not ever 'belonging' in a group has been a stigma for me as long as I can remember. But I think I've found a niche that I really feel comfortable in, with people I really identify with (maybe it's cuz 4 of us are CS majors LOL...) and enjoy being around.

With that said, I'm looking forward to the coming months. Finals is gonna be a bitch, as always, but I'm gonna prep early, and prep well, so I'll be prepared. I'll take a leaf out of Jessica's book and front load my work, so hopefully I wont have to end up pulling multiple all nighters again D: And then... it'll be FREEDOMM! I can't freaking WAIT. My warped tour ticket is pinned to my bulletin board, and I've got an egg of a helluva vacation plan, just waiting to hatch. I'M SO PUMPED!

Here's to good friends, good fun, and HELLA ANTICIPATION FOR SUMMERRRRRRR!!

Listening to: Nevershoutnever  [in preparation for warped tour!]
Random Thought of the Day: lately i've been having the same recurring dream: wading through sewers, escaping from some sort of monster, and swimming through a underground tunnel towards the faint beams of light. I don't remember ever breaking the surface, though.

it's getting harder to breathe now
there are too many idle moments
idle dangerous moments
it's so tempting to think how easy
how simple it would be just
never again to wake
never smell the light of day
i smile, i cringe
on the inside, i'm haunted by little things
choices choices choices
to be or not to be
is that the question? or
is that escape?

is this my fate?

Listening to: Nevershoutnever! Possibly my new favorite artist
Random Thought of the Day: I should probably be in my math class right now

I've always wondered... does fate exist?
this is a matter I contemplated last night,
as I painted adhesive on
many loose strings
how lives intertwine and paths collide
if a split second's difference can steel one's gut
or a casual conversation change your life

I never imagined I'd meet
one of my closest friends on a improbable whim

cultured by Disney,
I thought that in life:
if things are meant to be,
life will veer itself back on track
like atoms in a dual chamber capsule will
tend towards equilibrium.
and though for a while I was
disillusioned
lately, I think, I've been looking back
and discovering the truths of my past convictions

真的舍不得

Listening to: Guilty- Usher
Random Thought of the Day: 这样的人生.。。。 太可怜了吧？

想不起来当时我列给你的原因了
是不是我失去了我的原则,
想找到的方向离我越来越远
本来想忘记你的声音
 忘了你的温柔就够了
没想到.。。。 我还是忘不了你.

lack of sleep is getting to my head.


on other recent notes
go read david's blog. sums up a pretty epic night haha
except he forgot to mention that TJ and I totally own him at pipe scaling. ninja ftw!

Long Time No Blog!

Listening to: Qing Tian - Jay Chou
Random Thought of the Day: slightly dizzy from hookah @.@


hm... every time i have a resolution to blog more often it ends up not working out =d but anyways.
first week is over with! I've been so much more productive than usual... I wonder if that's because I'm really trying to change myself, or whether this is just the usual burst of first-week adrenaline that slowly fades off as school becomes more of a regularity. I hope it's the former.

but anyways. things have been interesting. my life is such a laundry list of eclectic activities. I've been having hell week for hip hop, yet I still found time to sit around with beers at 4 in the morning with mikey and ray. I realized that I really like talking to people that are much older than I am... they're usually much more insightful and/or opinionated.  

I think I changed.

But anyways. I wonder if it's okay yet =d
I have 10am class tomorrow, and here I am blogging at 5am. Typical me... I always pick the most inconvenient times to blog.

Another epiphany: i think i like being busy partially because life is so much less complicated when you barely have time to think straight. It's pretty mechanical, running from one thing to the next, but at least you always know: when one thing is over, there'll always be something else waiting for you.

and then a serious question: how do you make friends with people? so frustrating..

Starcraft!

Listening to: Bed Rock - Young Money
Random Thought of the Day: a quickie blog and then back to starcraft hehe XP i'm so excited for thursday!

sometimes i feel like theres this other person inside me who is a vindictive pessimistic bitch waiting for my moment of weakness to worm her way out. As much as I hate these types of people, lately she's been taking the reins more and more often. I don't want to be her, and think it's time for me to regain control of my own mentality. Positivity! Yoshhhhh! Therefore to make amends: if I've bashed on you in the last... however many posts, I'm sorry.

also, in related notes:
i don't know if what i've heard is true, but if it is, i'm happy for you. i'm glad things are [hopefully] working out and stuff. ganbaru! ^__^ i'm rooting for ya haha

midnight vchatting is fun heehee... or rather.. midnight vchatting.. that ends up being like.. 4am vchatting <3
spring break has been amazing so far. I think i needed this to clear my head.

origami hydralisks

Listening to: nothing better - postal service
Random Thought of the Day: i refuse to look at any more grades until spring break is over. i've decided to proactively NOT ruin my own bliss.

brief recap of this quarter:
i fucked up.
that's about it... sure, there's things i did right, but for the most part this quarter has been one fuck up after the next. Of course, some of my actions I'm quite proud of (shotgunning right after beer bong? not many small asian girls can say they've done that, i'm sure =d ) but even more are the ones I'd rather would fade away into oblivion and wipe from my memory.
but I definitely learned a lot this quarter, both of what I need to change in myself, and what to expect of other people.
basically it comes down to this:
i need to focus on school, and that's it. dance HAS to take shotgun just because at this point i'll be on academic probation if i keep fucking with my priorities.
and also, as much as i think i need someone, i don't. for the most part i need to wean myself off the expectations that just because someone says they'll do something or they feel something, that's really what they mean. there will be people, but i don't need them. those kinds of relationships are disposable; they come and go with each minor trauma and in the end, nothing changes. as much as i can feel hurt and betrayed and forgotten, life moves on. so why should i bother feeling hurt and betrayed and forgotten? I'd rather be the one that lets go first. so that is how it will be.

time wasted cultivating those types of relationships... i treasure the moments i spend with my TRUE friends more. and i can't believe that i missed out on that until now. i'd rather spend my time on crazy midnight jaunts, dancing to the delirium induced tunes floating from the toneless voices scratchy with academia. and that is how it will be. chicks before dicks, school before tools.

and let me just append this for clarification: you probably don't know this is for you, but I am so fucking angry at you right now.

coding

Listening to: So Sick - NEYO
Random Thought of the Day: necessity fulfilled? not quite... but still a weird obsession.

yesterday I wrote something pretty brilliant, but then Blogger erased it. I'll take that as a sign that my words were not meant to be written.

it's 4:46... I've been coding for the last 5 hours, and my brain is starting to fizzle. I'm only about 1/4 done but time relentlessly marches on, ever closer to the 9pm deadline I dread so fiercely. I've got homework left undone, the one problem menace that I beg the karma lords will be in my solutions manual. As the seconds tick by and I avoid thinking about trees and hash tables and post-process traversals, I realize I'm kinda hungry. Too bad it's 5 and the cafe's are closed, and the nearest vending machine is two buildings away. Food would mean being locked out; being locked out would mean no more coding. I suppose coding comes first, but my stomach growls.

something makes me wish you were here.
but you are not the you that you'd think I'm referring to.
Last night, I went on a midnight jaunt into blissful forgetfulness. Tonight that joy came from a few words between iterators and nodes. Despite knowing that it's been the wrong one all along, I'll forge forward into a path I know I'll regret. That's life, right? You make your mistakes.

My coffee sits cold and empty on blue painted wood. Next to it, a drained can of Monster.
I last ate five hours ago, last was fulfilled two hours ago, and now I'm starving in every sense of the word.
I suppose its back to the algorithms for me.

Listening to: Love Song - Sara Bareilles
Random Thought of the Day: Alice + 2.5mi + roofclimbing + chess + southpark + battle = another amazing weekend

i've reached the conclusion that guys and girls are just not supposed to be friends
i feel lied to

why is everything always so fucking complicated?

Epic

Listening to: Immaculate Addiction- Seriously

I've been listening to their EP nonstop. Lucky me, I know the bassist, so I got a copy of their CD XP

Random Thought of the Day: funny how we all go crazy

I usually don't blog about events, just because I think people have better things to do than read about what's been up with my life... but this weekend was just too epic.

Thursday: BBAC3A Hangout after the REAL Showdown!
We tore up the stage that thursday, hung out in a sketch old trailer covered in band sticker with fur on the leather seats. Friending the rivals, we bonded over ninjas and popping. Under the stagelights we step forward one by one and bare it all, our souls to the crowd. And then we celebrate the way that things are meant to be celebrated - across 5 tables shoved together end to end, and over bibimbap and duk bo ki.
I love them irvine kids
I think I see them more often at these optional hangouts than some of my own teammates. such dabs ^__^ <3

Friday: Bobaloca
What originally was supposed to be a boba trip ( which first interrupted my EE1 class thursday, but came to fruition friday night) turned into a 4 hour trek through Brentwood and Westwood. I discovered places I didn't know exist, passions I didn't know I had. Hopped the 8 foot chainlink fence to trespass into an elementary school (as much as I wish I could say I didn't need help to do that... I had to have a little shove the first time over :[ ) and played on the jungle gym like when we were 9 and didn't care about anything. Then we gorged on frozen awesomeness, re-discovered the roof of my apartment, and lay beneath the stars clouds. I swear, someday I'm going to go to New Zealand / on an African Safari / snorkle through the great reefs. It was a good night for exchanging our dreams, under the pollution filled sky of the land of opportunity.

Then, a surprise beep on the communication machine that read like music to my ears. Which is how I found myself in a dorm room 30 minutes later, playing my first game of king's cup. Then, we decided to go look for more alcohol, and some energy drinks to make Jager bombs. 10 bucks into the vending machine later, we were running and screaming and laughing through the rain, which shot down almost as fast as we shot forward. We arrived a bit soggy, I'll admit, but a few rounds of Brawl cleared that right up. And then it was time to mix green with brown (well... I tried a bit of Kahlua in Malibu first)... and I have had my first Jagerbomb.

Saturday: TCB
More BBACA loveee, but this time it was a different 3. They were my chariot, or I never would have gone (it was farther than I'd expected). Upon arrival, a room full of strangers met the eye, but alcohol makes friends of everyone. Made friends with the beer pong table, and made our own clique in the corner. Once again, King's Cup was up for play but, halfway through the game the cards were forgotten. One buffalo later, I chugged 2/3 of a beer. Then I shotgunned with my family. 8 tallies on my arm, we swayed to the music of our set and performed in 1 sq foot of space. At 230, on the couch I met the bassist mentioned above. He's quite a good conversationalist and we talk until 4. by then it was a night well spent and we departed satisfied.

Sunday:
at 230am I demonstrated my songwriting skills over skype. I realized that I can actually play guitar and sing! when the song is easy, at least.

A weekend of epic proportions. Why can't every day be like this?
I'M SO HAPPYYYYY ^____^ if it werent for academics, my life would be perfect.

:]

Listening to: How I Go- Yellowcard
Random Thought of the Day: SHOWDOWN TONIGHTT!!! yayy I get to chill with the bba boys =]

some distinctly unrelated thoughts:

4 and counting
ahahahhaah
what a ho
boba!
i like being babied =d
PRODUCTIVEMORNINGSFTW
long fb msg chains <3
love letter ^__^
< month

Wheeeee!!

Listening to: Bed Rock - Young Money
Random Thought of the Day: i hope shotgunning caffiene right before napping really does work!

Once again, i'm blogging at the most inconvenient of times. My EE midterm is tomorrow, and as of right now I really don't feel confident. It doesn't help that I kinda tanked the first midterm, and am now banking on this one to drag my grade back up... but oh well... I guess it can't really be helped.

So much change in the last couple weeks! Not all of it good, but it's okay. Things will end up how they should be. At least, I would hope so. Theres been lots of new and old people, lots of fun! Definitely not enough time

** update **

Since I wrote this like... on wednesday night, and then never published it, i'm just going to keep the above intact.
This new one is written on the day before my CSM51A midterm AND the due date of my CS32 project.. As usual, I havent started either.
This weekend has been super exciting and super exhausting. I learned that too much of a good thing is definitely not something I like to have... I'm so tired of [some of] my teammates right now, and so tired of the fucking situation i'm in... regarding shit.

but yeah. since i'm in a poetry kind of mood, which I always am when i have shit on my mind... here goes nothing.

they used to be welcome here
cheerful phantoms and mourning ghosts
at least i am accompanied for
together we are one
not so surely anymore as i weary of the
growing mold
like anemone they cling and though
usually a corpse cares not for the disease it carries
the more they sprout the more
i'm revolted
or ing, i suppose, i am the cause of their wealth
as neither coffin nor dirt will keep them out
knocking, knocking
here they come again
those ghouls that feed so delightfully on the
crust of my remains

they're pulling me apart
can't you see
my flesh curling and burning in the wake of their spit
yet all the same
i deserve this demotion
this ungraceful rest after an untimely death
for who am i to resist them? who
can deny nature its last solemn wish?



that was horrible and made no sense
sorries

Listening to: Roses and But - Making April
Random Thought of the Day: being able to see life pulsing through someone's veins is like.. the coolest thing.

estoy practicar espanol para hablar en espanol con mi roommate TJ. Nosotros hablamos en espanol por trienta minutos. Creo que yo estoy mejorando.

^ broken grammar.

outlook

Listening to: Shots - LMFAO ft. Lil Jon
Random Thought of the Day: no experiences can amount

positivity
dedication
passion
efficiency
organization

Listening to: Easier to Run - Linkin Park
Random Thought of the Day: asldkhfalshdf taking hiphop class <3


i've replaced one thing with another
dono if thats smart or not..

so many things to say...




******* makes the time goes faster

stupid

Listening to: Rediscovering my love for hard rock
Random Thought of the Day: time to bring back punk?

i'm happy i think?
but not really
throwing myself into dance
is what i should have been doing all along

i guess i'm less happy
than i am satisfied / appeased.

something stupid again.

I'm hoping someday you'll forgive me

Listening to:
Random Thought of the Day:

i passed a store in a westwood that made me think of him
unwittingly i bought 2 jars of his favorite hotsauce
and i'm not even super into that crunchy pepper oil stuff
I have to keep changing songs because sometimes
I accidentally find myself listening to those old songs

i have some lyrics for him

leave me out with the waste
this is not what i do
this is the wrong kind of place
to be thinking of you

i wonder if someone will pass it on
already i'm nervous and i wonder

if that's allright, yeah
if i give my gun away when its loaded
is that alright, yeah
if you don't shoot it how am i supposed to hold it?


on a brighter note
here's a twitter documenting my and my roommates' random idiocy.
good times

clever is my specialty

Listening to: When You're Gone - Avril Lavigne
Random Thought of the Day: I made my first official playlist ever today. it's all emo shit.

what the fuck is wrong with me
i've been trying to study since 3pm and I've read 5 lines
standing and sitting and then standing again because
when i sit my legs feel like jello
and when i stand i'd feel like sitting would make me less dizzy
wanting to sleep it all away, waste away
without appetite and conviction
a moment too late
wondering if i faded away, would you feel a thing?
i'm willing to test it, and i wonder
how far can i push myself
its like
determination vs deterioration

Listening to: random oldies that peter is playing in the office
Random Thought of the Day: where's a squirtle when you need one?



lol
i don't ususally write short entries
when i do...

Listening to: Bad Romance - Lady Gaga
Random Thought of the Day:I keep hearing Usher- Burn everywhere, even though that song is wayy old. hence, its now been stuck in my head for 3 days.
... great..




i wrote a little poem and it goes a lil something like this:

dirty dirty bitch slut slut whore dirty dirty
cunt cunt don't you want to run run
run away from everything, anything
things you can't pretend
to understand,
stand and curtsy for the times you
made them worry for you

midterm cramming already?

Listening to: Cable Car Stars via Myspace
Random Thought of the Day: ;____; E = F what?

i'm a tired girl
tired but happy :]

Friends

click click click click
obsessive fingers tapping across
a plate of glass or
plastic pushpins
waiting for empty promises or drunken jibberish
every mumble scrutinized and
every sorry letter picked apart
twitching and tapping
no amount of continual fixation
will force you to reveal yourself
i lust
no
crave
just playful meaningless nothing
until i realize
i'm just another among twenty
waiting for the same.

Listening to: Empty Apartment - Yellowcard
Random Thought of the Day: I'm in a weird kinda mood nowadays

bubbles and foam
choke
whirl and spin
forgotten
the bottle breaks

.nekorb eb ot tnaem era sedoc ruoy teb i
697 wq6 697 697 e9h5 y8e3 6974 r33o8htw g75 8 5y8hi 697 y8e3 5y3j j943 5yqh 8 e9


...
why do you think you can read me like an open book
vyr u bwcwe jbiq qhra ib tiye nubs.

i dont think its cuz i'm not as perceptive...

Listening to:  Alicia Keys - Thats How Strong My Love Is
Random Thought of the Day: NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONO D:

alcohol + 3 hours + pocky + cookies + spilled 7 dollar coke + love doll + yuck + 9am


=
I  can't believe its 4am and I still have CS homework to do...

Happy New Years!

Listening to: b2st
Random Thought of the Day: i kinda want school to start!

to be honest,
sometimes i hate the part of me that condones those things
those stupid disgusting things

this year i have one resolution only
stop making excuses.

you can want whatever the fuck you want
but you can't just sit around talking and wanting and not doing for forever
at some point, you have to make an honest attempt
so i'm going to stop making excuses for why i'm failing at all the wrong things
and i'm going to just do the things that need to be done.

that's the starting point for everything, anyways.


to quote Steven: i officially declare this year a year of asskicking